48 hours have now passed since I watched Nirbhaya at the Pavillion theatre in Dun Laoghaire and still I struggle to process and articulate the immensity of what I witnessed. Sexual abuse and sexual violence is an all too familiar subject in Ireland today and yet the real and personal stories told by the actors in this play inspired and provoked by the rape and murder of Jyoti Singh Pandey manage to break new ground.
I have been pondering what is different about their stories and it has only just dawned on me that in Ireland we have tended to focus on the perpetrators of sexual violence and their evil deeds and less on those who they have hurt, damaged and often destroyed. They have been simply described as victims or perhaps survivors but still our fascination has been with the abusers and not the abused.
This play redresses the balance and we get an insight into their experience as subjects not objects. Whether it is sexual and emotional violation, physical scarring or the enforced separation from a precious child we see and hear first hand their pain and their hurt and it is hugely disturbing and uncomfortable. And yet in holding their hands up and telling their story they have reclaimed their role as authors of their own stories and destiny. Their loss is profound and the impact on their lives hard to contemplate but it is their life and their loss and they are using it to ultimately bring about change and transformation. They are reclaiming control of their lives and refusing to succumb to being mere objects of the depraved cruelty of their abusers.
On a personal note I have to acknowledge that the fact that one of the actors, Poorna Jagannathan is a childhood friend and neighbour has made the whole experience particularly poignant - Our lives overlapped during what was a very happy if not charmed childhood in Dublin. The thought that after leaving those happy and innocent times in Dublin and while still a child she was to experience repeated and regular sexual abuse at the hands of both a family friend and random strangers makes me very sad but I do not pity her.
Rather I admire her and stand in awe of what she and her sisters have accomplished in bringing this extraordinary play to the stage. It is not easy to watch but it is essential to witness and if there are still tickets available in Dublin or wherever it plays next go and see it! But, a warning, be prepared to be forever changed and challenged by it!